Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Legal Aid

At times you read some funny story, shake your head and laugh out loud... how about this one...

BBC reports about the Footballer who earns 40,000 pounds a week and has earned a legal aid to fight a mis-conduct trial.

Bolton Wanderers striker, El-Hadji Diouf from Senegal, is accused of spitting at a Middlesbrough fan during a match at the Riverside last November. Ofcourse, he denies all the charges levied against him, and had the balls to file for legal aid citing his non-english speaking background and possible loss of income in case of a conviction. The state will now pay for this man's legal costs, who earns 20 times in a week as much as an average tax payer earns in a year, for spitting on them, through their money... Howzzzthat for justice !!

Well as Bob Russell says...
"We all know the law is an ass but we did not expect it to be as bad as this"

Swear

"When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear." - Mark Twain

Anu Says...
While swearing is considered uncouth and vulgar, it has its place and purpose. It helps provide an emotional release and clears the system. Isn't a verbal venting of emotions better than a physical manifestation?"

Well, to be honest it does. World would be a lovely place if we all start swearing at each other, forget the sins and forgive the sinners.... another attempt at anger management ...

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

In a galaxy far, far away

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away....

A young woman, who was several months pregnant, boarded a bus. When She noticed a young man smiling at her she felt humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat, but he seemed to be even more amused. She moved again, and again, then on her third move he burst out laughing...

She had him arrested.

The case came before the council. The young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read:
'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read:
'William's Stick Did The Trick'.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:
'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'

As it had to be the case was dismissed ....

So again .... whats the moral of the Story !!

courtsey: Neha

So.. which one are you ...

Which Fantasy/Sci-Fi Character Are You?




I'm a G'Kar ... and I stand for @#<>$^?

what fantasy/SciFi character are you .... find out here


Link via: JAG

Saturday, May 14, 2005

The Bull...

Last night, Malcom “bulldog” Glazer was just few thousand shares away from acquiring 75% shares of Manchester United, one of the world's biggest sporting brands. When he reaches that level, he will be able start playing around with his latest acquisition.

It will complete one of most famous bullish runs of recent times. Slowly and steady.. notwithstanding the club supporter’s rage, board rejections and financial setbacks… Glazer has increased his base form 0 to 75 % in around one-and-half year. However, He won’t reach the 90% mark, as the united fan’s have acquired some 18% shares.

What he wants to do with the club is still a conjecture. But, he would definitely want to de-list the club from stock market, and try to increase the revenue so that he may repay his debts.

Reaction in my office, which like any other UK office talks more about football than business, has been mixed. Non ManU fans are mostly unimpressed; to say the least, they don’t give a damn. Some of them are cautious in voicing there opinions, and the rest are very excited ... they like to see it as an opportunity to throw “Sir” Ferguson out (18 years is enough !!).

I am excited too... The ManU turnover will make a fascinating case study, no matter what the end result is. The ManU fan club, which makes the brand what it is, has turned against Glazer. They have pledged complete non co-operation with the new owner.

Hell.. I can’t see what the fuss is about and what the fans are crying for. If not Glazer, somebody would have noticed club’s excellent finances. Nor it is the first time a British club is being sold to a foreigner. Are they worried about the ticket price rise (which would have been announced any which way), or what a Glazer-run ManU would resemble. Telegraphs sums the argument here by saying,

“Malcolm Glazer should be opposed not because he would turn Manchester United into a debt-ridden mess but for every other reason to do with our football culture.”

And to support their conclusion they point out that….

“What is so remarkable about Glazer is how little he can offer Manchester United. His record in controlling the Tampa Bay Buccaneers is mediocre. In 10 years, they have won one Super Bowl; in the same decade Manchester United have collected 10 trophies”

Well, I can also tell them that, if not for Glazer, Bucs would not have won even a single superbowl in last ten years... What Glazer did was to increase the value of Bucs from $200m to $800m in the same time... but who cares.

It will be interesting to see how he handles the fans. I’m sure he is hoping that the fans will settle down when the season finale continues. Probably he should have made his advance in the off season. But anyways....

If past is any indication, Glazer will not transfer his debts onto the club, he would want to see the club ... and his investments grow even bigger...

Flying cows...

This country never seizes to amaze me. Till now I believed that dogs are the only mammals that can fly here... but then, dead cows can fly as well.

Metro reports about the man who's hobbies include making dead cows and horses fly. He said,

'Normally we fling cars - they go about 100 yards but dead cows and horses can be just as much fun. Not all of them burst on impact, but when they do the local kids love paddling around in the guts.'


Fun !!... ya , splashing blood of bursting animals is very amusing. Some people just don't stop at blogging ... read the full peice here .

Friday, May 13, 2005

The discovery of chimps

 Posted by Hello


The ease with which dear Anonymous has hailed simian artistic capabilities, made me to probe a bit further into the conquests of the chimps.

I am proud to report that Chimps can play "football ", "saxophone",and "who-wants-to-be-a-millionaire". Chimps can "sing" as well... a sort of traditional folk music, famous primarily in the hinterlands of Africa (Probably me and Anonymous, if he agrees, can work towards putting chimp music right next to the main-stream pop-music).

Ofcourse, the above list is not complete. Chimps cannot do everything which humans do... but they just need a chance and perhaps few thousand years.

Study of chimps is the study of anonymous... not "Anonymous" as in our dear friend ... but the anonymous cave man. They have always been subjected to scientific experiments to satisfy eternal human thirst for knowledge. They have been looked down upon as secondary creatures... partially useful for scientific and entertainment purposes. I feel that (and Anonymous might back me on this) its time that the chimps be given their rightful position in the society. Chimps should also be granted IP rights and commercial benefits of their works.

Chimps can post, and they can paint. The former is not worth anything. A chimp's blogging abilities are not subject to any social benefits or losses, hence purely personal. It will have a sizeable impact only if their readership increases beyond what it is now (may be Anonymous can help). On the other hand, the later can have entertainment value to the humans. The proceeds of any such activity should go to a chimp benefit fund, which we should incorporate as the "Anonymous Chimp Relief Fund" (after the woman/man who is the inspiration behind the "chimp revolution")

All contributions are appreciated... To begin with you can send the cheques in my name ... (Banks won't accept cheques in the name of "Anonymous")


PS. Jokes apart ... there is much more serious work going on for the chimps than described above ... ask GOD

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Cézanne of the simian world

 Posted by Hello



Today was the “day of weird”...

Today, I Came to know that dogs can fly and chimps can paint (or did paint).

The painting of Congo, who was known as the Cézanne of the simian world, will be auctioned alongside works by Renoir, Andy Warhol and the Chapman Brothers at Bonhams in London this month. It is indeed a real honour for all the chimps of the world.

Congo’s artistic sensibilities came to light when Dr Desmond Morris began a series of experiments, to find how well, chimps can paint. Congo produced more than 400 paintings and drawings, mainly abstract, in the late 50’s. His works are known to be popular with Piccaso and all the “Zoo Time” lovers.

Key question is ... what do you think, Congo was trying to say ...

(Hell.. I know dear Anonymous is not impressed)

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

The Magic of Schumacher

Go Red !!Posted by Hello



How many time do you see a true champion fighting like a lion... When you are 30 seconds (which is millions of years in F1 dimensions), 10 cars behind after one third of the race, many will bow down and start thinking of the next race...we of course switched the channel again... there can be no surprises now...or is that so.

It had been a bad day for the team so far, the seventh row start is not what the drivers dream for. The only Ferrari left on the track has shown no signs of making an impression... 11th place at the end of the 17th lap. The cars are going into pits, teams are looking to consolidate positions... but not him...

the traffic is clear... time to play wheels... Schumacher puts in the fastest lap of the race.

Lap 25...the rhythm of the drive, perfect braking, immaculate handling and that hypnotic speed...eyes can’t move off the screen and the remote is left far away...what you need is a pillow to channelise your aggression. Another fastest lap...traffic is clear with just Wurz ahead of him...another fastest lap...third in a row...he is not stopping.

Schumacher joins the race after a quick stop...he is 3rd now from the 11th...close but yet far enough ...Renault is leading at another 21 s ahead.

lap 34, 13.6 seconds behind the second spot…at this pace he will beat Button in 10 laps. This is not the first time he has come from behind...

Lap 36...10 secs behind

Lap 37...7.4 secs behind

Lap 38...5.3 secs behind... 24 laps more...long way to go

Lap 41...2.8 secs behind

Laps after laps the fear grows... Drivers see the red rage passing by... no body wants to stop him now ... Serb has left his coursework and is on the sofa. The commentator grabs his seat as the Ferrari flies past the ranks... The official F1 website has a warning already... ”the comeback of the lion”. The crowd is in a frenzy... they just love their hero come from behind... people are praying... at last, for the first time in the season we will see a red-clad on the podium... and I...I am just too agape at the marvel of this man….

You love him... you hate him... you abhor him when he wins almost all the races in a year, unchallenged... you call him arrogant when he manhandles his opposition .. you call him a cheat when he sails too close to the line... you accuse him of taking the fun out of the F1 racing... you align the system against him... you change the rules just to see him loose... And when he shows his genius in those peerless drives, hold on the turf, and nerves of steel,... you just want him to win again...

That... is the magic of Michael Schumacher

The San Marino crowd is going wild...and so are we,,,

It’s the fight back every fan dreams of... human excellence which excites the last drop of adrenalin in your body... At 320 kmph, you need nerves of steel to negotiate every turn... 1.5 seconds behind Button

Lap 49... Ferrari is past Button... 1.3 second behind Alonso

Lap after Lap... He tried to get a pass... lap after lap... Alonso saw the devil looming large in his mirrors. But, the credit must go to the Renault driver. With the Schumacher all over his gear box, Alonso was able to keep his cool and finished the race 0.2 seconds ahead of Schumacher.

Alonso did win the podium... But Schumacher won the race.

Next race was again a futile chase. With 14 races to go, only his fortune and Renault’s bad luck can make him retain his title. Some people think he getting too old to keep his stead.But nevertheless... I would love to see him challenge those fortunes.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Adult Franchise...

Another election season has come and gone… the turn around time from declaration to the results was quick… or was it just me, too illusive to note. The campaign was much better than the last time (2001, the election that never was)… and yet again I ignored my franchise….

Barry says, “you’ll miss democracy only when you have a dictatorship… never abuse democracy .. it’s the only chance you have”.

I couldn’t agree more with him…. Democracy gives us one of the rarest chances to change our destiny. But does that mean that “I” have to vote….

Look at the stats … since I have come to my senses .. AB baby (BJP) has won every election in Lucknow. Come to delhi and politics take a whole new meaning inside the campus… results are decided not by votes, but by alignments. Come to UK … and results are decided for lack of choice … again … is it just me or the world is going nuts …

why should I vote… when I know 9 out of 10 seats in B’ham will go to Labour, knowing fully well that the electorate will return the tormentors of Iraq to the “house of commons”.. and ofcourse , who am I to stop them.

OK … so you think voting is important … give me one reason, why you think your vote can stop the type of politicians who dare to stand up every election to pledge their hypocrisies… or why you think your vote can make these politicians answerable to their electrorate … or why we should not rebel and just eradicate whosoever we think is responsible for the current state of affair ….

Friday, May 06, 2005

Nazi...

An Irish party... May weather, slightly warm at 8 degree C... people drenched in lager and scotch... Things got to be better...

He was drunk... you can see that in his precise walk, as he came towards us... three packs of cigarettes in his hands... unshaven stubble... denim jeans, a coach jacket... and red eyes

“You... You are not in my team.. “
“no sir, I gate crashed... Congratulations for the league though”
“yeah... you like it when things go smooth... didn’t we kicked their butts ...you like it??.. where are you from ??”
“Not from a place where football can be the first passion …”
“French??… joking …”
“nope..”
“Turkish?”
“no..”
“ are you American... “
“certainly not...”
“What are you... a Nazi.."
“...not yet...”

Question hit… so did the answer. Often wondered how clearly you can think when you are drunk. You can think in many dimensions at the same time… you make every step as precise as you can …. You speak concisely… and you believe in the intelligence of the world. You also think long term … complexities of the world evolve in front of your eyes … pain melts and what lasts is just … lust …

The football team, some of my friends play for, has just won their last game in the Nth league … they will now play in the (N-1)th league next year. The coach was twice as euphoric … red eyes, unshaven stubble, three packs of cigarettes … and a precise walk.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Suck the joker ....

It seems that they are not going to leave the Joker alone. To steal the headline from Primary Red, the HRD is going to Sissfy the IITS by making IIT-JEE simpler.

What to say about the intelligence of the non-capitalists... IIT and IIT-JEE have evolved since 80's (assuming that’s when some of the blogger's are posting from). Number of people giving the exam has increased tremendously (thanks to the amazing success of the same 80's batches and many more). The Students are preparing even harder, under some excellent supervision, with help of text books and course materials which leave next to nothing to intelligence. This, no doubt, is leading to higher cut-offs every year. The difference between rank 1 and rank 4000 is not more than around 100 marks, which means that every year, atleast last 2500 ranks go for a lottery. Those who have given JEE will swear how fortunes change within those 6 hours…. And how they could have improved their rank so far (depending on your rank) by doing that one bit extra. I can't imagine what will happen if we make the test any simpler, if it will not make the competition even tougher and an even bigger lottery.

I don’t think JEE is the part of the problem (it definetly is a part of the solution though…). Not so long ago, I gave the JEE twice (cleared it twice), and honestly speaking got a much better rank when I studied less to nothing. The JEE is based on +2 syllabus, and is at the basic minimum required level for kids who want expedite learning within IIT curriculum. The pressure is for those who want to build it, and those who don’t simply get a rank. Nevertheless, to decrease pressure on the kids, we will have to make students and parents conscious of alternate career choices. Those who have been through the IIT drill, know that one JEE rank, or for that matter having a rank, does not define ones career. Four years spent amongst the best batch mates possible, some funny post-grad exams, silly interviews, fun we had , and fun we didn’t have … define what we become and where we end up… and we all know that most of the IITians never do what they were trained for ….

I think we need to pass on this message to the kids that there are more ways than one to succeed. And to the government, that there should be more institutions like IITs (and not 100 IITs).

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Anger Management ....

Nice Story..

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"; Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**in number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled " You're an arsehole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'arsehole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, " You're an arsehole!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'arsehole' calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telstra. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an arsehole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.A couple of days later, right after calling the first arsehole ( I had his number on speed dial,)

I thought that I'd better call the BMW arsehole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?". "Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front." "What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Don?". "I'm home every evening after five." "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Don, you're an arsehole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.Now , when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call. Then I came up with an idea.

I called Arsehole #1. "Hello." "You're an arsehole!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked. "My name is Don Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you live?" "Arsehole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, arsehole," and hung up.

Then I called Arsehole #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, arsehole," I said. He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" I said. "I'll kick your arse," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, arsehole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two arseholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

And the moral of the Story is ...

Courtsey: Akshay

Monday, May 02, 2005

War chests....

Ravi says the governments love to export and they hate to import - contrary to the “voice of public interest”. He also talks how, China may take the US down if it continues to compromise its "slave labourers".

Exports use domestic production to get money into a country... I can’t question a government doing that. Of late US has been consuming products from all over the world without producing much. The governments across the world are indeed happy... World produces and America consumes... money keeps flowing out of the US. The Americans are listening to the voice of their public interest... so it seems. Their deficient is high, and the interest rates are rising. My bet is, they would want to devalue their currency, to help their exports, and the Chinese and the EU will try to keep it high. Hard to say who will win, but the fall may indeed not be as hard as you might want. Add to that, there are already predictions that US dollar may not be the world’s reserve currency for very long.

So, again coming from the above, imports may also not be a very good idea... no matter what the public voice of interest say. India is sitting on 140 billion dollars hoping it might be good enough to bail itself out in contingency. That is what worries me the most. If the dollar continues to fall, it will not help Indian exporters, and devalue the cash reserves. We might want to continue growing our exports, and use the export earnings to invest into the economy and infrastructure. Imports for consumer consumption, is definitely a bad idea for India.

As far as the Chinese are concerned, the current scenario will definitely not continue for very long. But so will the rest of the world equations. As much as we all hope, that China’s capitalist practices will result in a internal revolt causing the fall of the Chinese dragon... we need to learn from our history. The bad face of Capitalism never survived... and the economies fared out to be much stronger than ever before, with socialist outlook. I think, one of these days, Chinese will realize that they have enough money to start investing in its people. Give them more freedom and money, and become an even stronger nation with happy estate.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Indianization of English...

Amit choudhary has questioned , in Telegraph, why Indians write in English.... and Amit is not amused.

English and English speaking people in India are a phenomenon. While in Delhi, being a young kid coming from a relatively smaller city, I often used to wonder what does it take for one to be anglicized. I did ponder over the question “why ?” for a while but soon it was lost on me. Interestingly, we face this problem right from a very early childhood. For example, in my primary school, girls with princesses like air used to talk only in (accented) English; and only with people talking in English. Well, I never bothered to find out what they were talking about so I have no reasons to presume anything. But you can see segregation of people, especially in youths, on the basis of their oral skills in the foreign language. For differentiation sake, people tend to develop fake accents (which literally belong to nowhere). However, some people are actually deceptively good at that.

Some time ago, and I can say that it is past (thanks to the IT generation), that English was seen as a mark of sophistication, education, and intelligence… often used to make an impression. It used to be funny when someone talking freely in Hindi turns to you suddenly becoming polite and starts talking in English. It is not fit to take any names, but we all know that speaking English does make people form certain colleges feel very chic.

New in Delhi, I was amazed by the amount of English spoken and taken. But that was 6 years ago. The comfort level with which one takes English has increased. As I grew in college, I was myself amazed how our pattern of English usage varied. We couldn’t talk about course work in Hindi, girls in English, politics/business in Hindi and our feelings in English….. Well to be honest, we were a strange bunch of people anyways. The frequency index of the change in the spoken language in a 5 minute talk was definitely sinusoidal.

And the practice continues… some of my friends who are not Indians are amazed by how Indians take English. We have been pointed that we mix languages so confusingly that no outsiders can make sense of the full context. Talking amongst Indians, 1 out of every 2 sentence we speak is in Hindi. I definitely blog in English … but I do wonder which language I muse in….The Germans are confused how can we discuss the same idea in two languages. The English are amazed that we know more technical terms in English than English themselves.

After being with French, Germans and English, and based on their opinions, I can say that no one else mixes languages as much as we Indians. My Idea is that there in nothing bad in any language. We have been taught English right from childhood and it is an integral part of communication for any person who has been in touch with English. A language cant change or affect our thinking. Our culture is so strong that thinking or talking in English can’t change the way we feel… or blog…. It does subsumes anything which it connects with, Indianizing it for practical purposes … including English.

Communist Capitalism ....

Indulge me... Its hard to be a Capitalist. Maximizing personal gains is not seen as a good trait in most part of the world. Some cultures (like our own) and people out-rightly reject the idea... some indulge in crony capitalism...and some others in selective capitalism. Society pressure and exposure losses had made people conscious, and there are new forms evolving. There are Capitalist with Socialist heart... Communist with Capitalist outlook... and Capitalist with Communist hearts.

Here in UK, people are concerned over corporates making huge profits. Their communist hearts quinch when they hear BP making huge profits in a year which saw fuel prices rocking some economies... Banks making huge profit when people don’t have food to eat and houses to live in...and very recently... when some corporate big shots earn obscene amount of money (its does look obscene). To be honest... it does hurt if someone is making so much money when I can’t even afford a BMW 5 series... But do these people feel sorry for those poor people... or is it just plain personal jealousy.

I feel sad for these guys. They will now be embarrassed and ashamed for the excellent job they are doing (for themselves and their company)... their hard work... their excellence... and above all, the reward which they deserve. I believe that one should get what his talent and hard work deserves. If these guys don’t deserve the fat cash they are getting then I would balme Barclays and let their shareholders worry about it. All said and done... its none of my business...and a bad form to be jealous.